TV · STATIC
// 12 channels // public access // tuned in
▸ STANDBY
CH03
BUT WAIT!
THERE'S MORE!
CALL NOW · LIMITED TIME
▸ DOPPLER 4000 WEATHER
TONIGHT: 100% CHANCE OF PUMP
💔
"María, no puedo creer que vendiste mi bag..."
⚠
EMERGENCY BROADCAST
▸ THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM ▸ HAD THIS BEEN AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY YOUR BAG WOULD ALREADY BE RUGGED ▸ STAY CALM ▸ STAY HOLDING ▸ REPEAT: STAY HOLDING ▸
★ HOME SHOPPING NETWORK ★
$24.99
PRICE IS DROPPING NOW
🙏
"And the chart shall ascend on the third day"
— BOOK OF CANDLES 4:20
▸ COOKIN' WITH GREG
🥄 🍳 🧅 🧄 🌶
"Today we're making something real special... add a pinch of salt, a dash of patience, and an entire bag of $STATIC..."
📰
▸ BREAKING NEWS
▸ AREA MAN STILL HOLDING ▸ CHART UNCHANGED FOR FOURTH STRAIGHT HOUR ▸ DEVELOPING STORY ▸ MORE AT 11 ▸ AREA MAN STILL HOLDING ▸
⚽
HOME 3 · AWAY 1
▸ NO SIGNAL
REC ●
👨
"WELCOME TO MY BASEMENT"
"...so anyway, that's why $STATIC is the only token I trust. We tape new episodes every Tuesday at 2 AM. Call in: 555-PUMP..."
▸ NOW PLAYING · CH 03
INFOMERCIAL · BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE
SUPER-VISION CRT 9000